Providers take it upon themselves to insure the health and welfare of those in their care, but they are also the most sociable of all the Guardians, and thus are the great nurturers of social institutions such as schools, churches, social clubs, and civic groups. Providers are very likely more than ten percent of the population, and this is fortunate for the rest of us, because friendly social service is a key to their nature. Wherever they go, Providers happily give their time and energy to make sure that the needs of others are met, and that social functions are a success.
Highly cooperative themselves, Providers are skilled in maintaining teamwork among their helpers, and are also tireless in their attention to the details of furnishing goods and services. They make excellent chairpersons in charge of dances, banquets, class reunions, charity fund-raisers, and the like. They are without peer as masters of ceremonies, able to speak publicly with ease and confidence. And they are outstanding hosts or hostesses, knowing everyone by name, and seemingly aware of what everyone's been doing. Providers love to entertain, and are always concerned about the needs of their guests, wanting to make sure that all are involved and provided for.
Friendly, outgoing, neighborly - in a word, Providers are gregarious, so much so that they can become restless when isolated from people. They love to talk with others, and will often strike up a conversation with strangers and chat pleasantly about any topic that comes to mind. Friendships matter a great deal to Providers, and their conversations with friends often touch on good times from years past. Family traditions are also sacred to them, and they carefully observe birthdays and anniversaries. In addition, Providers show a delightful fascination with news of their friends and neighbors. If we wish to know what's been going on in the local community, school, or church, they're happy to fill us in on all the details.
Providers are extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them somewhat self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. Loving and affectionate themselves, they need to be loved in return. In fact, Providers can be crushed by personal criticism, and are happiest when given ample appreciation both for themselves personally and for the tireless service they give to others.
Dealing with Stress from Work: Guardians Bearing Up
How do you deal with work-related stress? Each personality type has different stressors and copes in different ways. Better understanding of your own stressors and coping mechanisms can help you reduce the tension and anxiety work stress often creates.
When stressed, Guardians usually report being sick, tired, sad, or worried.
Of all the Guardians, the Supervisor tends to take on the largest amount of external authority, responsibility, and pressure. When they've overdone it, their only recourse to relieving these pressures is to become sick. Of course, they don't choose to become sick, it is simply their body's response to the overload. They want to be recognized for their accomplishments and contributions. They want respect more than they wish to be liked. They will work harder and harder to earn this respect. They are drained by overly emotional responses to their directives. If disrespect continues for a long period, they may become hypersensitive to their feelings and that of others. To return to equilibrium, they need silent support from others, to cut back on responsibilities, and to practice healthy living by exercising and eating better. Says Dirk, "I learned a lesson when my doctor reported that I had high blood pressure and I needed to cut my stress level. I started to delegate more and not jump when any new opportunity for responsibility came up. I thought that was the only way to advance, but I'm getting better work from those I supervise and getting more respect from management since I became more relaxed."
The Inspector is the most likely to complain of being tired. They have a greater need for private time than the Supervisor. They, too, will assume a great deal of responsibility. Their need to be exacting coupled with too many drains on their time can lead to their becoming stressed. They can become obsessed with details and criticize their underlings or co-workers for imperfection. They can become fearful of anything that is not well-proven, tried-and-true. If they become impulsive or talk excessively about potential catastrophes, they are showing high stress. To return to equilibrium, their concerns need to be taken seriously by others and efforts need made to reduce their workload and give them more private time. Says Janice, "I find that if I keep taking on new responsibilities, I'm less effective and much more tired. My husband finally laid down the law that I needed to cut back, so I did. I enjoy my job more and my home life has improved."
The Provider is the most likely to first become angry, then sad and complain to anyone who will lend them an ear. This is quite different from their normal style of spreading happiness and making everyone around them comfortable. What triggers the stress is when others do not trust them or when they experience too much pressure to conform to a standard with which they do not agree. Interpersonal conflict with a boss, co-worker, or underling also takes a toll on the Provider's equilibrium. When stressed, they may become excessively logical and critical in their dealings with others. To return to normal, they will need less pressure from others and more solitude. Sometimes writing in a journal will help them with their sadness. They may need coaching in how to deal with adversity and decrease their need for harmonious relationships. Changing the people they interface with may help. Says Haime, "I had to learn to be more tolerant when I'm in conflict with another. I was lucky to have a mentor who helped me through a conflict with a co-worker. He advised me that most bosses don't like to deal with conflicts between co-workers. He helped me loosen up and find a way to be less intense when dealing with conflicts. It's helped a lot."
The Protector is the most likely to become excessively worried. Their highest skills come from preventing problems, and to do that one must think about what might go wrong and prevent it. But too great an overload can trigger excessive worry. Being forced to face too many new experiences can be daunting to the Protector and cause them to talk about potential catastrophes. They may experience a loss of control and even become impulsive while trying to fix all that they see going wrong. When others see them in this state, it is important to give them help and to lower their expectations about always being able to prevent every problem. Until they release some of their need for control, they will experience high stress. Rest, good nutrition, and treating themselves to peace and quiet will go a long way towards healing their stress. Says Barbara, "I was lucky that I had a boss who could see that I was too tightly wound up and worrying too much. She helped me evaluate what was important and what was not so I could let go of some of the fine details and find a better balance. Work is more comfortable for me now."
Men and Romance
Part 1: Guardian Men
By Dr. Lovegood
Guardian lovers have a tendency of coming across as boring. The true gold of their love is often well hidden behind ordinary daily acts of caring and sacrifice. Guardian lovers are likely to be stable, dependable, and predictable. Carrie's Guardian husband died of cancer. He had almost never said he loved her. After he was gone, she discovered that he had spent those last months putting their finances in order so that she and their young girls would never have to worry. She finally realized that taking care of her was his way of showing his love.
Guardian lovers usually have a set of high standards of behavior for themselves and often for their loved ones too. If they have been trained or have taught themselves how, they are generally very good at remembering and appropriately commemorating anniversaries, romantic milestones, birthdays, and holidays.
Gary is a Supervisor (ESTJ) Guardian. He is proud of the fact that he earns enough money so his wife can stay home with their three children. However, he used to be very critical of his wife's housekeeping, wanting to come home to a restful castle. Then he had to take care of the kids for a week while she was gone. He'd had no idea how difficult her job really was. It was a relief to be able to go back to work, and his criticism dropped sharply.
Alex is an Inspector (ISTJ) Guardian. He is nearing 30 and is unmarried. He has been too busy getting his career in order to think much about women. He has never dated much because he's very shy and not particularly popular with the ladies even though he's tall and handsome. He views dating as only a means of finding a mate. Now it's hard for him to find suitable women. However, his cousin recently set him up on a blind date. He's fallen for her head over heels. She's flattered by the attention but is taking things much more slowly.
James is a Provider (ESFJ) Guardian. He and his girlfriend met in their senior year of high school and have been dating ever since. They plan to marry once they have graduated from college. James is constantly showering his girlfriend with small gifts, notes, cards, and back and neck massages. Last year, she was drifting away from him, seeming to be more drawn to the strong silent bad boy types. Strangely enough, that problem disappeared once they began playing tennis together. James is a good player and can easily beat her. Now they're playing doubles and having a lot of fun.
George is a Protector (ISFJ) Guardian. Because he is so loyal, his biggest problem has been hanging on to relationships long after they are dead. He has felt that he has done all of the sacrificing and most of the work, and this has angered him. He's been assertive at work, but in love he has tended to let his partners take advantage of him. Now he's clearly stating his expectations and hopes. His relationship with his current girlfriend is based on mutual giving and respect. She really appreciates his being hardworking, kind, and faithful.
